


you said to yourself you wouldn't cry tonight

by batterycityradiotower



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Porn with Feelings, Requited Unrequited Love, Revenge Era, Smut, ray just cares so much ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:07:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23611276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batterycityradiotower/pseuds/batterycityradiotower
Summary: ray comforts gerard in the aftermath of a depressive episode, in more ways than one(or: some very self-indulgent hurt/comfort rayrard during this trying time)
Relationships: Ray Toro/Gerard Way
Comments: 2
Kudos: 75





	you said to yourself you wouldn't cry tonight

ray barely notices his phone buzzing in his pocket. the bar is so noisy and the music's turned up so loud he's not sure if he can even take a call.

he pulls it out and checks it, when he sees it's a text from gerard. all it reads is _"need you here. can you pls come back?"_

ray recognizes this text, he knows that means gee doesn't trust himself to be alone right now. he glances up at mikey and frank, who are still at their table, eating and drinking. ray waves at frank, mouthing, _"i need to go"._

frank nods and turns back to mikey, leaving ray to hurry out of the bar. he's thankful the bar is only up the street from the parking lot where their bus is. ray nearly worries himself sick those few minutes it takes him to jog back, just hoping it's not an emergency. he fumbles with the lock but when he gets in, he's more than relieved to find gee just sitting on the couch.

he looks rough to say the least, but he's intact and safe. gee looks like he's been crying hard and he's drained of color, his hair's a mess, but he usually tangles it up himself when he gets stressed.

"hey, gee," he says gently, "you okay?"

he only shrugs, and looks at him in a way that says _"please come here"._ ray sits down beside him, putting his arms around him and feeling gerard sink into him.

"i'm here, for anything. do you wanna talk?"

he shakes his head a little. "i'm just... i'm a fucking mess."

"you're not, i've said it before..."

"i just can't do anything right. i'm horrible and i'm sorry."

ray sighs, stroking his hair as he feels gerard shaking slightly. "you're not horrible. you're a great person, greater than i can even tell you. sure, it feels messy and hopeless sometimes but i promise you're amazing."

gerard's silent for a moment. "...i'm not gonna make it past thirty."

 _"hey._ yes you will," ray says sternly, "you're going to be okay. doesn't have to be tonight, or tomorrow, but you're gonna be okay."

he slides his arms around ray's shoulders, hugging him as best he can with the size difference. he rests his head in the crook of ray's neck, and he can feel gee's face is wet beneath his eyes. it hurts him so much to see him in pain like this, and sometimes feeling like he can't do anything to prevent it.

ray shifts them so that gee can curl up with him easier. he moves closer, just wanting to be held, wanting something to hold him down and ground him. ray obliges and snuggles him in his arms, feeling him relax a little and breathe in his scent.

"hey, i'm... i'm really grateful for you, y'know?" gee says quietly, "you're always here and understand."

ray just runs his fingers through his hair, saying, "'course i do... i don't want you to deal with pain alone."

he hugs him tighter, pressing his face into ray's shoulder. "you make me feel safe."

"i'm glad." he rubs gee's back gently, trying to ignore his friend's hand resting on his inner thigh. "that's all i want."

he moves his hand slightly higher, testing what ray wants, if he's okay with it, if he wants him too. ray sucks in a breath when he rubs him through his jeans. he _does_ want him; he wants him so much, so badly, but not when he's in pain and just looking for some source of affection.

"gee, i... i dunno if we should."

"remember at that party, like a week ago? you got super drunk and kept saying i was pretty."

ray swallows hard. "yeah, i do. you are." _so pretty._ he wants to say it over and over, until he can't say it anymore, and make sure he knows it.

"really?"

"'course... super pretty, gee."

he feels gerard smile a little against his neck; he's not sure if it's from what he said, or the fact that he can feel ray getting hard under his palm. he decides it's likely both.

"should've told you how handsome you are."

_"me?"_

"yeah," gee says softly, nuzzling along his neck, up to his ear, "you're gorgeous... strong, too. you always care about me so much."

"why wouldn't i?" he chuckles awkwardly, gee's warm breath tickling his neck, "you deserve to be cared for, y'know?"

"you deserve it more. can i do that?"

he feels gerard unbuttoning his jeans, and then pulling the zipper down.

"o-only if you want..." ray knows he's blushing like crazy right now, and gerard pulling out his erection makes it even more obvious.

"i do, i want to."

he starts stroking him and jerking him off right there. maybe it's the beer he had earlier catching up with him, or maybe something else, something he's been trying to push to the back of his mind for a long while - but he lets him do it. he loves how warm and soft gerard's hands are, and how he's using them.

"you're so big."

he thumbs over the tip, teasing the head and watching it leak precum down his shaft. 

gerard presses a kiss to his neck, and ray's not sure why, but he reaches up and tilts gerard's head gently, just enough to kiss him. his lips are so soft, even softer than he'd thought they'd be. when they pull apart he's blushing hard, his pretty pink lips wet.

in that moment, gee slides off the couch and onto the floor, getting on his knees. he strokes him a few more times before licking a stripe from the base to the tip of his cock.

"ah, gee--" he teases his slit with his tongue, making ray moan softly. "gee, y-you don't have to do that..."

"i know, i _want_ to."

he watches as gee puts his lips around the tip, still stroking him as he starts taking him deeper. it's so warm and wet, and gerard's soft tongue on his cock isn't something he thought he'd feel tonight.

part of him feels awful, feels like he's taking advantage of gerard, feels like he should've moved his hand off his crotch before he even got hard. another part of him is beyond happy, just amazed that gerard feels the same way about him, euphoric.

"god, you're perfect..."

he reaches down to stroke gerard's long hair while he sucks him off. he gags a little when ray's cock hits the back of his throat, but he keeps going and looks up at ray with those big, beautiful eyes while he does it. he could stare at those eyes for hours, and he's gotten lost in them more times than he can count.

he twitches in gee's mouth, and he can feel himself getting closer each time he bobs his head.

"gee... you're so good, so pretty, baby." _shit, he hadn't meant to say that last part -_ but it's out, and there's no putting it back.

gee hums in the back of his throat, and god that feels amazing. he's going to have the image of gerard hollowing his cheeks around his cock burned into his brain, whether he feels guilty about it or not.

"i-i'm close," he rushes out, feeling that tight, white-hot sensation building fast.

another moment, and ray's coming hard into gerard's mouth, his orgasm rocking through his body in a way he hasn't felt in a long time. he feels gerard making a noise, then swallowing around his cock, some of his cum dribbling down his chin.

ray takes a minute to recover, while gerard cleans off his softening cock. he can only describe the look on gee's face as both horny and satisfied.

"c'mere, let me help with that."

gee shakes his head. "the guys'll be back soon."

his voice is wrecked and ray can tell he wants him, he wants so badly to be touched and held and kissed. "they'll be at least another hour, they were just getting started when i left."

he helps him up; ray's strong, and it doesn't take much effort to lift him into his lap. gerard makes a noise like a moan when he holds him tightly.

"you're so precious. and i'm not just saying that, i swear."

he gives him a small smile, "i know you're not."

ray unzips his jeans, feeling him; he's so hard he's straining against his underwear. gerard whines softly when ray takes him out, his strong, calloused hands surprisingly gentle. he teases the tip, smearing precum along the shaft as he pumps him slowly.

"ah, y-you really like taking care of me."

"i like making sure you've got what you need."

"d'you love me?"

the question hits him hard, but he knows the answer immediately. he does, more than anything. he loves being with gee, loves touching him and being touched by him, and he wants more. "yeah... yeah, i really do."

gerard kisses him again and again, like he can't stop. "fuck, you're so gentle with me."

"you deserve it."

"ah, _ray-"_

"you know that? you deserve to be treated gently, and softly..."

"i... i don't," he chokes out, keening as ray moves quicker, "you're the only one who, ah, thinks so."

"then i'll be gentle as long as you want, okay?"

"i want that, _please,"_ he says in a way that makes ray's heart ache, almost sounding like he's begging for it. "ah, fuck, fuck-"

"shh, just come when you're ready."

gerard whines, and ray feels him trembling against his chest. another moment and he's coming hard all over ray's hand, moaning against his neck. he holds him tight, pumping him through his orgasm and watching gee finish on himself.

"there you go, there, good," ray murmurs, kissing him while he comes down. he's flushed and weak, and clinging to ray like he's afraid he'll disappear at any moment.

"don't go."

"hey, i'm not going anywhere... promise. i'll clean us up, yeah?"

gerard nods. "...i'm sorry if i was too much."

"you're never too much."

**Author's Note:**

> back @ it again with a vent fic!! good for us! good for us! ;-;
> 
> inspired by listening to remember the laughter on repeat during a bad episode,, thanx for reading <3


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